Would You Date You? Questions To Ask Yourself Before Getting Involved

Would you date you? This is an important question to ask yourself when you’re single because if you don’t want to take yourself out to dinner, then go back to your place and have sex with yourself, why would anyone else want to?! So before you go getting into another relationship, close down Tinder App for a minute, take a look in the mirror and ask yourself: Are you the kind of person you’d swipe right on?

Do you make an effort? When you go out to the bars or go out on a date, do you make an overall effort to be a contributing part of the date or do you wait for him to start the conversation and work hard to try and impress you? This kind of selfish crap makes you look judgey, pretentious and so not cute. You definitely don’t want to date that person, so do a little self assessment and make sure you’re not turning your dates into a casting call to fill the role of your next boyfriend.

Are you pleasing to the senses? Looking nice is always a good thing.  I don’t mean that in a superficial, “I only wear brand names and starve myself so you can look like a supermodel” kind of way. Do you brush your teeth and comb your hair before going out in public? Do you take pride in presenting yourself well? As much as we want to live in a world where everyone is judged by who they are on the inside instead of how they look, the reality is, you can put off even the most enlightened person when your breath smells like old onions. A little self-care goes a long way in making your best self shine.

Are you confident? You don’t always have to be confident, but you should try and feel good about yourself most of the time. After all, a self-assured woman is a lot more fun to hang out with than, say, one who’s constantly downgrading every compliment she gets and bemoaning the fact that she doesn’t have a thigh gap. Make up your mind about who you are and why you’re great. Self-confidence leaves no wiggle room for needy hobbies like fishing for compliments on Instagram by posting a picture of your dog that’s really just a picture of mostly your boobs.

Are you a nice person? If you haven’t already noticed, finding someone nice is hard to come by nowadays, which is weird because everyone likes a nice person. So why aren’t there tons of nice people walking around? If you’re bucking the trend and choose to be nice to others, even when some people don’t return the favor,  you’ll be happy to know that your affability makes you one hot commodity.  No one wants to date (or even be around) a bitch, so don’t be one.

Are you a good listener? Listening is different from simply hearing, which is an automatic thing that takes no effort. What does take effort is to actually listen – as in paying attention and absorbing what someone is saying. How many times have you actually taken in what someone was telling you versus just waiting for him to finish so you can start talking again? If the latter sounds familiar, don’t worry – a majority of us have done it at one time or another because people, as a whole, are pretty self-absorbed. But if you can master the art of being a good listener, you’ll be a better catch than you already are.

Are you straightforward? Nothing is worse than a woman who’s passive-aggressive when it comes to expressing her needs and desires. It forces the people around you to have to work to figure out what you’re really saying.  It’s exhausting talking to someone that makes every conversation a chore – not to mention, it leaves things open to misunderstandings, which leads to unnecessary fights. So make it easy on yourself and your future boyfriend. Be straightforward, say what you need to say and save the guessing games.

 Are you self-aware? You know yourself inside and out, and you definitely acknowledge both your strengths and your flaws. When you’re being a bitch, you know it, you own it and you apologize for it if necessary.  Trying to be a better person when you don’t have self-awareness is like trying to fix a car without opening up the hood.  It’s just not going to happen. Be on top of our own behavior and you can’t go wrong.

Read more:

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  • Unless These 13 Things Are True, He’s Probably Not Trying To Be Your Boyfriend
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  • 12 Texts You’ve Definitely Received If You’ve Got An Amazing Boyfriend
  • Do You Have Sarmassophobia? It May Be Why You’re Single
  • They Might Not Seem Like It, But These 12 Things Are Emotional Abuse
  • 10 Times You’re Accidentally Sexy – And It Drives Us Guys Crazy

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Crazy Thoughts Every Woman Has Before A First Date

First dates can be nerve-wrecking, and when you’re nervous, your brain can start to go into overdrive, making you think some seriously crazy things. But don’t worry, you’re definitely not alone. Any of these thoughts ring a bell?

I want to look absolutely amazing but in an effortless way. But also in a way that he knows I did put a bit of effort into it, just not too much. Or too little. Just the right amount… Is that really so much to ask for!?

Heels? No heels? Shoes? No Shoes? Which Shoes? Okay, so definitely wearing shoes is a good idea. But what kind? And which pair!? Are the red heels too daring? Is black too demure?

I don’t want to be late, but I don’t want to be there before him. Showing up, like, two minutes after him is perfect. Too bad he doesn’t have a tracker on him. Oh, there’s an idea.

Memo to self: Don’t mention anything that gives away the fact that you stalked him on social media. Try and remember the look on your last date’s face after you told him you had seen his vacation photos. Do. Not. Repeat.

I wonder if my parents would like him? Dude. You haven’t even gone on the date yet. You don’t even know if you like him!

I wonder what his ex-girlfriend is like? Do not stalk her on Facebook. Resist. Don’t ask about her, either.

I hope he drinks… so I can, too. Alcohol, sweet alcohol – I need you for social lubricant, but I also don’t want to drink you if he’s not, because then I just know I’ll start nervously rambling on.

How many drinks is 2 too many drinks? Don’t get too drunk. Don’t get too drunk. Don’t get too drunk.

How many jokes is too many jokes? Am I even funny? I wonder if he’d like my joke about the magic tractor?

I’m going to be so mysterious and aloof tonight. Until, you know, I open my mouth.

Are sweatpants okay for a first date? They’re just so comfortable. Or will I look crazy? Or like a slob? Aren’t supermodels rocking them with heels nowadays? Can I pull that off?

To shave, or not to shave… That is the ultimate question.

Time to channel your favorite Sex in the City character. I think I’ll be Miranda with a splash of Charlotte today. Wait, I don’t even like Sex in the City.

I hope he offers to pay, so that I can offer to split the bill because I’m a strong and independent woman. But I’m kind of poor, so maybe I’ll let him pay if he offers… but does that give off the wrong message? Oh God, what do even I want?

Should I wear a hat? Not that you ever wear hats. But a first date is the perfect time to try it out, right?

I Wonder If This Is An Actual Date? Maybe it’s just a friendly dinner? I shouldn’t assume too much… Or should I?

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16 Ways You’re Scaring Guys Away

You’ve found the perfect guy. The only problem is, he runs away screaming by the time the date ends. Does this keep happening? Where do you go wrong? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you’re scaring guys away. It’s okay – the problem is fixable. Think of guys as cute little deer. They scare easily at first; one wrong move and they bolt. Don’t make these mistakes when you’re first getting to know a guy and he’ll be more likely to stick around.

Going bridezilla on the first date. The vast majority of guys don’t want to talk about marriage until they’ve gotten to know you. Hearing about how you must have periwinkle bridesmaids gowns and doves carrying your train is going to scare him away. The last thing a guy wants is to date a bridezilla. Get the guy first and then focus on wedding plans.

Freaking out over everything. Do you  have a tendency to freak out of the slightest thing? Guys are kind of turned off when they think you’re insane. So what if your steak came out under-cooked? There’s no reason to scream at the waiter and rant the rest of the night. Keep your cool. Some things just aren’t worth the stress. Plus, if you don’t get yourself under control, guys will run for the hills.

Demanding he change his Facebook status. One or two dates doesn’t equal boyfriend. Until the two of you sit down and have the talk about being exclusive, he’s not your one and only. Demanding he change his Facebook status to say he’s taken is a little creepy. Besides, who gives a damn about Facebook relationship statuses?

Taking pics for social media all the timeIf you just love photography, that’s great. You’re not scaring guys away. If you’re a chronic Instagramer, you might have a problem. Guys are more than a little weirded out when you have to post selfies of you eating, selfies of getting in his car, selfies of him opening the door for you and so on. Not only are you paying zero attention to him, but you’re showing him what a self-absorbed diva you are.

Needing constant contact. He didn’t text you back within a few minutes. How could he? Maybe he has a life and has better things to do than text and call you 24/7. Guys are terrified of super needy women. Nothing’s going to scare him away faster than contacting him all the time or demanding he spend all his time with you.

Comparing him to your exes. He knows you  have a past. The start of a relationship really isn’t the time to delve deep into that past. It’s even worse when you start comparing him to your exes. This is fine to do with your girlfriends. He really doesn’t want to know he’s smaller than your last guy. To him, the comparisons just sound like you’re not over your exes yet.

Being a bitch towards other women. Nothing screams bitch more than spending your entire date talking crap about everyone you know. If you can’t say anything nice about your friends, he knows you’re going to do the same thing about him later. Find something nice to say or just let him do all the talking.

Acting like a guy. I get it, you want to make him feel comfortable and make him think you’d fit in with his friends. He already has guy friends. Showing up for a date looking like you’ve been working on cars all day isn’t sexy. Showing off your burping skills isn’t good either. You don’t have to go all out, but attempt to act a little like a lady until you get to know each other.

Forbidding him to go out with his friends. This is a major no no and one guaranteed to scare guys away. No one wants to date the super possessive girl. Even if you’re dating, you both get to have your own separate lives too. Give him some guy time or watch him run.

Asking him to meet your friends and family. The first few dates isn’t the time to introduce him to all your friends and family. It’s too overwhelming and it screams serious relationship. He doesn’t even know you yet. Guys are scared by women who try to get too serious too soon.

Talking too much or too little. It’s not as confusing as it sounds. If the guy has to do all the talking, he’s going to try to run away as soon as possible to avoid being bored to death. If he can’t manage to get a single word in, he’s going to run just to enjoy some peace and quiet. Remember, you’re supposed to have conversations where both people talk to each other.

Making demands. Demanding to go to the most expensive restaurant in town, asking him to dress a certain way and telling him to bring you a specific gift will probably mean the guy runs before the first date even happens. No guy likes to be bossed around. It makes him feel like he’s not good enough. The real problem is you. Stop making demands. You’re not a princess and he doesn’t exist just to serve you.

Interrogating him. Guys don’t have to account for every second of their time. This is especially true in the beginning. No guy wants to go through 20 questions every time you talk. This also goes for wanting to look through is phone, social media accounts and email. You don’t need to investigate his life. Removing his privacy is a sure way to drive a guy away.

Overdoing it on the flirting. We’ve all seen this. A woman wants a guy and tries way too hard to flirt. She laughs too loud even when he doesn’t make a joke. She tosses her hair and slaps some poor bystander in the face. It’s like watching a train wreck. You can’t stop it, but you can’t look away. We all know how it ends though. The guy makes his excuses and leaves as fast as possible.

Making everything a competition. You don’t have to prove you’re better than him at everything. Guys love competition. They don’t love a woman that tries to always show them up. Would you really enjoy it if a guy had to out do you all the time? It’d probably make you feel like crap. He feels the same way and doesn’t want to stick around for more.

Professing your love. Guys aren’t quite as afraid of commitment as they’d like us to think. Still, it’s scary as hell to hear “I love you” by the second date. This kind of goes back to being clingy. Wait just a little before professing your love. Otherwise, he’s going to think you want a commitment he’s not sure he’s ready to give yet.

See, with just a few little tweaks to how you act around a guy will prevent you from scaring him off.

Read more:

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10 Situations Single Women Hate

There’s nothing wrong with being single. In fact, there’s a lot of amazing things about being single. That being said, there are still a bunch of times where you’re acutely aware of the fact that you’re the single one in the crowd. Those times it seems like everyone is staring at you thinking, “what’s wrong with her?” For some reason, attached people always feel the need to help out their poor, single friends in various, sometimes completely unwelcome, ways. Whether you’re happy to be single or not, there are still those times you wish you could just grab the closest guy and make him your temporary boyfriend.

Being the only single person in the wedding party. Remember that scene in He’s Just Not That Into You where Jennifer Aniston’s newly singly character has to walk the dog down the aisle? That’s the stuff of single girl nightmares.

Surprise set ups. No one thinks to ask you if you’re actually interested in going out with the one single guy they happen to know, because they just assume you have nothing better to do. You’re single, after all.

Being the only single person at a dinner party. Your friend promised there would be other single people there. She lied.

Being the third wheel with a PDA-obsessed couple. Do they think you enjoy watching them stare into each other’s eyes, make out, and generally take every opportunity be all over each other? Or did they just forget you were there?

Being the only single girl on girl’s night. While they’re all complaining about how their boyfriend did this or that, you’re scanning the room looking for a guy, any guy, to rescue you. Don’t expect any help from your friends either. They have activated the “we’re taken, don’t talk to us” force field and have no intention of leaving the bubble.

At family functions, having everyone repeatedly ask what ever happened to your ex from high school. She just cannot get it through her head that you guys broke up the day after graduation, and you haven’t spoken to him in years. To her, he’ll always be The One.

When there’s one single dude at the party, but he’s of the HELL NO variety. There’s no way you’ll be able to avoid him the whole night, because his friends blatantly pointed at you when you walked in, and told him, “that’s her, the single girl.”

The “your biological clock is ticking” conversation. You’re well aware you’re approaching 30 with no prospects on the horizon. You can practically feel your ovaries shriveling up with every passing day. Why people feel the need to point out that if you want to have kids you better get on it, like yesterday, is mind boggling.

Having to choose between spending a Saturday night alone, or out with all your coupled up friends. It’s always one of those lesser of two evils decisions, and it all really boils down to what the snack selection is going to be like.

When the only hot guy in the bar is taken. Sure, there are single guys around, but they don’t have the dimples and biceps of that guy with the blond girl hanging all over him. When you start thinking that maybe you could take her, it might be time to throw in the towel and call it a night. You’ll have plenty of other chances to be the single one everywhere you go, but tonight your PJ’s and Netflix are a lot more appealing.

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The Most Controversial Dating Advice You Should be Following

You’re going along and making up your own rules for dating. How’s that going for you? You thought ignoring the advice from your friends or even your mom would help you land someone perfect in half the time. The only problem is everyone’s taken except for you. What do you do? It’s time to quit trying to recreate the wheel and listen to some of the more controversial dating advice. It worked in the past and it still works today. Why? We’re all programmed to think this way, so just go with it and enjoy all the perks that go along with it.

Play hard to get. It’s a classic, yet one that’s often ignored. I get it – you’re afraid if you play hard to get, he’ll get bored and move on. I’m not saying play impossible to get. Just make him work for it a little. If he says “hi” and you immediately jump in the sack with him, he’s just going to think you’re easy. Guys like a challenge. Too easy and they get bored. Make him pursue you just a little before he gets any treats.

Let him pay. Independent women seem to think letting a guy pay for dinner is some kind of crime against nature. Calm down, ladies – don’t get your panties in a wad. Unless you asked him out, let him pay for the first date, at least. Guys are a little intimidated when a woman doesn’t seem to need them at all. Plus, when he pays, it feels more like a date to him. Otherwise, he feels like he just got friend zoned.

Don’t date outside your list. Don’t have a list? Why not? Stop daydreaming and make a list of the qualities any guy must have before you find him attractive. Stop wasting your time dating guys who don’t even come close to meeting your standards. I’m not saying write a book, but a one page list helps define what you really want so you can actually find what you want.

Establish what you both want upfront. Most people will tell you to skip any mention of the future on a first date. That’s bad advice. Instead, go for the controversial dating advice. Ask the guy what he’s looking for. Does he just want a casual relationship or is he looking for a wife? Maybe he just wants a compatible booty call to have on speed dial. It’s better to know if you’re both on the same page upfront. Neither of you want to waste time if each of you are looking for different things.

Wait to call. You should always wait at least a day or two to call. If he calls or texts you quickly first, wait to respond. It all goes back to playing hard to get. If you seem too eager, he’s going to think he’s got you. Once again, make it work for it a little.

Talk in person. Texting isn’t a substitute for a real conversation. You like someone enough to date them. Why can’t you at least talk to them with your voice and not a keyboard? Limit the texting and even phone calls (unless it’s a long distance thing) and plan to meet in person. Spending time face to face is the best way to learn more about each other. I know it scary to put the phone down, but you’ll find dating is much more fun this way.

Stay separate. This might seem to contradict my last point, but what I mean is you shouldn’t become a mindless zombie when you start dating someone. It’s one thing to spend more of your time with your new guy, but don’t let him completely change your life. Don’t give up your friends or spend every moment with him. You need your own identity. Keep some space between the two of you or you’ll be completely lost if everything goes south in a few weeks.

Do something he wants to do. No, not sex, though that’s definitely something he wants to do. Guys love to have their egos stroked. Dating isn’t all about you. He may have planned the first date to cater to you or as something general you both would enjoy. When planning the next date, try to incorporate one of his interests. This shows you want to get to know him better and encourages him to try one of your interests too.

Skip the drinks. You’re not your best when you’re drunk. How are you even supposed to remember your date’s name after trying every fruity concoction on the menu? The only thing a guy finds attractive about this display is it’s easier to get you in bed. Try to be a little lady like and limit yourself to one or two drinks at most. If he’s a heavy drinker, call a cab and leave his ass at the restaurant.

Don’t be exclusive at first. Dating doesn’t equal relationship. Some people believe in a dating rule that states you should only date one person at a time. That’s fine if the other person isn’t dating anyone else. Dating is no different than going out with friends, except you might get a kiss or even laid at the end of the night. Keep your options open and date other people at the same time (obviously you shouldn’t have dates that overlap). If you’re ready to be exclusive, then talk about it with your date. Otherwise, it keeps the guy on his toes knowing he has competition.

Don’t order the most expensive thing on the menu. Okay, if it’s what you really want, then fine. A date isn’t someone to be used.  Guys have been programmed to think an expensive dinner equals sex. It’s sad we have to remind them we’re not prostitutes. Still, it’s kind of rude to ask a guy you’ve just met to buy you an $80 steak dinner plus the best wine the place has. Go for a more moderate option. Better yet, pick a more casual restaurant to limit expectations so everyone’s more relaxed.

Ask him out. It’s still kind of taboo for a woman to ask a man out. But if the chemistry’s right and he seems interested, ask him out. It’s actually really sexy for a woman to make that first move. It shows you’re interested and aren’t afraid to ask for what you want. Just remember, after that first date, go back to playing hard to get! It’s now his turn…

Drive separately. Traditionally, the guy picks up the girl. It’s safer and smarter to drive yourself, especially on a first date. Unless you’ve known the guy a while, you haven’t really had a chance to see if he’s really a nice guy or a complete weirdo. First appearances can be deceiving. Driving separately and meeting gives you the freedom to leave whenever you want. It make sure the guy works harder to keep you interested and around. It places control in your hands.

Mix these rules in with your own and you’ll see a difference in your dating life. Who knows, you might even find dating’s more enjoyable this way.

Read more:

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19 Things Single Women Are Tired Of Hearing

It’s amazing how many people seem to think single women must be completely clueless when it comes to dating. I get that you think you’re helping, but frankly, hearing the same old tired advice again and again just gets on our nerves. Maybe I don’t want someone right now. Did you ever think about that? Maybe the last guy was such as royal douchebag that I don’t feel like trying again right now. And listen – just because you’re taken doesn’t mean you know more. Let me worry about my love life and I won’t point out everything that’s wrong with your supposed fairy tale. We’re tired of hearing it.

You just need to try a little harder. Wait, I actually have to try? Okay, let me just put on the shortest skirt I can find and go stand on a street corner. Think that’ll work? I’ll either meet someone on my terms or I won’t. Simple as that.

You’re beautiful. I just don’t understand why you’re single. Yes, because guys only want me for my looks. Let me just get all dolled up and be paraded at the next ball. I’m sure my stunning beauty will have every guy asking for my hand in marriage.

You’re better off without him. This might very well be true, but we all know what you really mean: how did you screw up another relationship? Yes, I am better off without him. Now get off my case about finding yet another guy.

I’ve got the perfect guy for you. No, you don’t. Just stop right there. I’m not interested in your second cousin’s best friend’s little brother’s friend. I’m sure he’s great – for someone else. I’ll ask you if I want you to set me up. Otherwise, focus on your own life.

Aren’t you lonely? Actually, no. I’m not defined by my relationship status. I still have a job, friends and family. Though if you keep asking stupid questions like this, I might have one less friend. Believe it or not, I’m probably around more people than you are now.

You don’t know what you’re missing. Really? I bet you have no idea how annoying that comment is, either. Do you know how much fun I had last night ordering a pizza, eating the whole thing and not having to give a damn what my boyfriend thought? Nope, I’m not missing anything.

Have you tried meeting guys? I never thought to that. I guess I actually have to leave my house and attempt conversation with the opposite sex. Yes, I have tried meeting guys. That’s why I’ve dated people in the past. Just because I’m single doesn’t mean I’m a hermit.

Don’t you want to have a baby? I don’t actually have to have a guy to have a kid. Besides, did you ever think I might not even want kids? How about you go deal with your own heathens and not wish the same torture on me.

You should lower your standards. Do you even know what my standards are? Besides, why is it such a crime to know what I want? You’re not really much of a friend if you think I need to just settle for the first thing with a penis. I’ll decide what guy’s right for me, thank you very much.

I feel so sorry for you. Why? Honestly, I don’t understand. I’m happy. I have a great life. I’m sure there’s someone out there who will make me even happier, but my happiness isn’t dependent on meeting “The One”. I’m the one who feels sorry that you can’t understand that.

Maybe you should dress up a little more. Maybe I’ll just go get a little plastic surgery, too. Thanks for telling me I look like crap. I really appreciate it. This is my style. If you don’t like it, tough. If he doesn’t like it, he can go find himself a Barbie doll.

I wish I was still single. You’re the same person who was giving me advice on why I need to date. Now you want to be single like me? Make up your mind already.

I was already married at your age. First of all, thanks for calling me old. I’m glad you met someone and it all worked out. I never knew there was a set age for me to settle down and have a family. I’ll get around to marriage when I’m good and ready.

There are plenty of great guys out there. Okay, let me just go have a nice big orgy with all those nice guys. I thought the idea was to find one. A great guy doesn’t equal the right guy. There are plenty of great women out there too. Did you ever think about that?

Why are you single? Why is this important to you? I don’t know. It just kind of happened that way? Does that answer get you off my back already?

If you pray about it, you’ll find someone. Prayer isn’t like having your own personal genie. I pray for world peace, but it doesn’t mean all wars magically stop. I’m praying you’ll quit giving me advice, but I see that hasn’t happened yet.

Maybe you should try a few more dating sites. Yes, because I have so much time to spend on 15 different dating sites that probably have all the same people. Why don’t I just put myself up on an auction block and hope for the best? Believe it or not, I do have better things to do than live on my computer, hoping mister right sends me a message.

I bet you’re saving so much money. What? I guess you only spend money if you’re with someone. I mean honestly, single women have absolutely no bills. Umm… I do have to pay for a place to live, a car to drive and of course, food. No, I’m not buying gifts for my guy, but I have all the other finances to take care of.

Maybe you’ve already met the one. So you want me to go back through all my exes and see if they want me back? No thanks. Those relationships ended for a reason. I think I’ll just go out and find someone new. Thanks for the crappy advice though.

So how do you deal with all this great advice? Roll your advice, give them the look and walk away.

Read more:

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The Woman’s Guide To Getting Out Of The Friend Zone

Nothing’s more frustrating than being into a super hot guy, only to have him call you his buddy or some other non-romantic term. Just like that, you’re in the friend zone. He’s treating you like one of the guys and talking about that cute girl he met last week and you just want to jump and scream, “Hey! Hot girl right here!” If you play your cards right, you might just be able to grab his attention and get him to see you as more than a friend.

Play it cool. If you start begging and pleading for him to give you a chance, you might lose him altogether. You’re not getting out of the friend zone over night. Take your time and play it cool. Patience is definitely a must in this case.

Date other guys and talk about it. If he’s treating you like one of the guys, then act like it. It’s amazing how a guy suddenly notices a woman as soon as she starts dating someone else. Avoid dating within the circle of friends or he might avoid you due to the bro code. While you don’t have to get serious, date someone while you’re waiting and don’t forget to tell him all about it. A little jealousy can be healthy.

Flirt with him. This should be a given, but some women give up when they’re labeled as a friend. Don’t give up! Try some friendly flirting. It doesn’t have to be anything overtly sexual, but make sure you’re giving off the right signals. As a plus, his friends will likely notice and ask him about it.

Dress up a little. The guy’s probably used to seeing you dressed casually. Suggest hanging out at a nicer restaurant, bar or club. The idea is to have a valid reason to dress up a little. Of course, you could also tell him you have a date later and didn’t want to have to go home to change. Make him see you as a woman, not one of the guys. Go ahead and break out your little black dress and heels.

Get him one on one. Guys get distracted easily when they’re with their friends. You might be flirting your ass off, but he’s oblivious. The solution is simple — get him one on one. Find an activity you know he loves and ask him to hang out with you. Try making sure his other friends are busy at the time. Now’s your chance to really flirt and show him the signs he’s been missing.

Play a new role. No, I’m not talking about sexual role playing. You’re in the friend zone, so no sexy time allowed… yet. Try to figure out how the guy sees you. Does he think of you as a little sister? Are you more like his best guy friend? Are you his wing woman? Maybe you’re his problem solver. Work to change how he sees you. It’ll change your friendship a little, but if you work slowly, his perception will change.

Give him some space. No, he won’t forget you. The problem is that he sees you all the time. How does he even know what he’s missing? Make some excuse to spend less time with him. It could be you’re dating someone or you’re involved in a new hobby. Whatever it is, give him a chance to truly miss having you around. The more he misses you, the more he thinks about you. Suddenly, you’re stepping out of the friend zone and you have a real chance.

Ask him to help out. Give him a reason to spend more time with you and get involved in your life. Ask him to help out with small or big things. Maybe you need help moving or painting a room. Maybe you need a partner for a charity event. The more things he can help you with, the more one on one time you get. Plus, he’ll start seeing how valuable he is to your life.

Tell him how you feel. After you’ve done some legwork, it’s time to finally tell him how you feel. You should probably reserve this conversation for when you think he’s starting to show interest or if you’ve given it your all and you still can’t tell. Sometimes being upfront is best. Maybe he was just afraid of ruining the friendship. If he turns you down, at least you know how he really feels and you can move on.

Make a move. You’ve given every obvious sign, but he’s still not responding how you want. Get him alone and make a move. Now’s your chance to make things physical. Tell him there’s something you’ve wanted to do for a while and kiss him. He might be shocked at first, but if he’s in to you, he’ll respond. If you’re not quite that brave yet, do small things like touch his arm, hug him, lean against him  or whatever type of physical contact you can get.

Make him sensitive. I’m talking about emotionally, so minds out of the gutter! You’ll need him away from his friends for this one. Steer the conversation to an emotionally charged topic such as past heartaches or deep fears. The idea is to get him to pour out his heart to you. We all know what happens now. You’re both all mushy and the next thing you know, the two of you are tangled up together on the floor, ripping clothes off. You’re definitely out the friend zone at that point.

The friend zone happens to everyone at some point. It sucks, but with some work, you can change his mind and make him give you a chance.

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First Date Dread: Why Going Out With A New Guy Is The Worst

First dates aren’t the actual worst. You get to know someone new, and you may even get a drink or two out of it — maybe even more if you want to embrace your inner lush completely. They end up being a moderate amount of fun, and can be far superior to spending the night with Netflix. But even if it’s the first date of your fantasies, there are still some serious drawbacks when it comes to meeting somebody.

Sometimes the guy looks entirely different in reality.Maybe it’s a set up courtesy of a friend of a friend that you just couldn’t say no to, a right swipe on Tinder, or you met at a bar and kind of forgot his face, sometimes he’s just not what you were expecting. Maybe your friend showed you pictures from almost a decade ago, when he had yet to develop a beer gut and a bald spot. Perhaps when you met at a bar you failed to realize that once you stand up, you tower over him. Sometimes things just don’t line up.

The night out can be expensive. Whether you’re a fully fledged feminist who goes halfsies no matter what or a southern belle who firmly believes that the gentleman always pays, you’ll have to drop some type of dollars. Either you’re buying the first round, or you’ll have to spend money on a cab home (or one to work in the morning, depending on what you’re into).

You’re stuck knowing stuff about a stranger.Even if you never see this dude again as long as you live (although you probably will late night when he’s out with someone else, because that’s how the universe works), you suddenly know lots about him. It’s like a job interview that doesn’t end in gainful employment, but you end up with lots of useless knowledge about the company.

First dates don’t exactly lead to lifelong friendships. Even if there was zero chemistry, you probably had something to talk about. Unfortunately, ”friend dates” with someone you may or may not have kissed just sound awkward. Now you know everything from his favorite restaurant to his childhood stories, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be having Netflix marathons and ordering pizza.

You have to pretend you don’t know everything about him already.Let’s be honest – if you’re going out with someone, you’ve already Googled him fully. After all, better safe than on an episode of Law and Order: SVU that was ripped from the headlines. Despite the fact that we all know everything about everyone via social media stalking, we have to pretend to be less creepy. So, you act surprised at all of the little nuggets about his life that were easily accessible on Google and LinkedIn.

He probably secretly creeped on you on social media. The reality is that he probably knows just as much about you (okay, he probably hasn’t Zillow-ed your apartment or gone back to your Facebook photos from middle school), but hides it… or at least that’s what you’d like to believe, since he’s not asking you anything. That means he saw all of those embarrassing photos of you from college pre-games and read your latest blog entry about how awful dating is.

The will-he-or-won’t-he part inevitably makes you completely crazy. Directly after the date, you’re wondering how the night will end. Sometimes that means you’re hoping that he won’t lean in for a kiss because you’ve been trying to escape for the past hour, but it can also mean you’re actually hoping for a quick make out sesh. Either way, once that’s over, it’s back to the will he ever actually text, and not in the booty call capacity once it’s the weekend.

Waiting for a text is the worst.If no text ever comes and you were convinced you both had a good time, suddenly you’re questioning everything. Should you have stuck to a two drink minimum like Patti Stanger suggests? That third one might’ve had you babbling… Should you have gone home and changed instead of trekking directly to happy hour from work? Unclear, but that just sounds exhausting. The deliberating that takes placex post first date leads to enough craziness that it could call for therapy… and you’re not spending that type of money on a first date.

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Ladies, Being Too Nice Isn’t Hot — Here’s Why

Being called “nice” used to be considered a good thing. But in our eat or be eaten world, nice girls are often put on the back burner in favor of the more exciting, mysterious, and even dramatic girls. Most guys are drawn to a girl who will make their heart race and keep them on their toes, and unfortunately “nice” girls don’t exactly do that. In love, you don’t want to fly under the radar, you want to be the kind of girl no guy can stop thinking about. Here’s why “nice” girls often come up short in love.

They don’t make an impression that lasts. Nice girls are usually the wallflower type. They’d rather fade into the scenery than ruffle any feathers. Therefore, people tend to forget they even exist.

They let guys walk all over them. Guys love to push girls’ buttons. They’ll do it on purpose to test her limits. But the nice girl doesn’t have any, and as soon as a guy realizes that, he loses all respect for her and it’s downhill from there.

They give guys too many chances. Instead of cutting a guy who betrays her out of her life, the nice girl will give him another chance. And another. And another. Whether he deserves them or not, she always thinks it’s her duty to let him prove he can change, when it would be better for both of them if she just walked away.

They’re afraid to step on any toes. She and her friend have their eye on the same guy, but the nice girl will always bow out gracefully rather than fight for what she wants.

The don’t take risks. Not only will the nice girl probably not ask a guy out, she’ll rarely venture far outside of her comfort zone at all. She’ll have a hard time meeting new guys, or intriguing them at all because she’d rather be nice than interesting.

They’re boring. You always know what to expect with a “nice” girl. She always does the right thing, and while that’s great and all, being predictable isn’t.

They’re afraid of confrontation. The nice girl doesn’t start fights. In fact, she avoids them at all costs, even if that means she ends up getting the short end of the stick every time.

They don’t stand up for themselves. Nice girls are always putting everyone else’s needs before their own. Of course relationships require a certain level of compromise, and you can’t always get what you want, but nice girls have become accustomed to never getting what they want, and have come to expect it.

They think being “nice” is enough. They rely so much on their image as the nice “girl next door” that they forget guys like girls with personality. No guy wants to date someone who is just nice. They want a little edge.

They seem like they lack passion. She doesn’t fight for anything because she’s afraid to rock the boat, so it seems like she doesn’t really care. She spends more time making sure everyone else is happy than herself, and guys notice how two-dimensional that makes her.

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Who Should You Go To For Relationship Advice?

We’re all guilty of giving terrible relationship advice. I don’t care if you think you’re Patti Stanger, only younger and without all of that plastic surgery. Even with the hours spent logging Millionaire Matchmaker marathons to prove you’re equipped to dispense romantic advice, at some point in the not-so-distant past, you’ve told a friend something about a dude to placate her instead of telling the truth, and she’s done the same to you. It isn’t mean spirited, it’s just that most relationship advice is based more on what you’ve been through than your friend’s current situation. It’s a combination of all the dudes in your life and what your friend says to you about her guy, instead of being about her actual experiences, which means that when it’s time for you to ask the hard hitting questions, you have to carefully consider who you should talk to.

Your brunch buddies.Asking for relationship advice is tough, especially when you have a hard time actually telling your friends what’s going on with a new guy. After all, you don’t want to be that one cheesy friend who waxes poetic about her new dude and thinks she’s like a Disney princess, when the reality is that she’s more like a Real Housewife. Obviously boys are the best brunch discussion topic, but sometimes you want to keep your new boo private until you figure out what’s actually happening.

Your one friend who always tells it like it is. Even though it sounds like Sex and the City, the reality is that every crew has a Samantha/Miranda hybrid that’s easy to talk to you when you need help deciphering a text. While the truth bombs she drops are most similar to He’s Just Not That Into You, it’s far superior to waiting for a text that’s never going to come.

Your one friend who always makes you feel better. Depending on your mental state, you might be more interested in someone telling you that he’ll definitely call than learning the cold, hard truth. Whether she tells you to send that midnight text you’re deliberating over or convinces you that he’s probably not over his ex yet and that’s why you haven’t heard from him, she’s 100{5bc55beb08889ad05a7e7a6b77d532c6a271732d053bf26757b0ccd6cd3a3c03} likely to make you feel like everything’s going to be okay (even if it isn’t). We all need that friend, but that doesn’t mean that what she says comes from a real place.

Your bitter bestie. Maybe she had a particularly gruesome break up, or maybe she’s been in a relationship for so long she forgot what dating’s actually like in the real world. Whatever it is, it means that her relationship advice makes you wonder if you should just throw in the towel completely. Seeking out your friend who tells the truth is better than spending time with this girl, because you’ll just end up even more depressed than you started.

Your well meaning, but often wrong, family.While your mom gives great r-ship advice because she’s been through everything herself a thousand times over, the fact that she’s waiting for grandbabies means that she may be a little more forgiving than you’d like. While you’re obviously not going to start asking your great-aunt for input anytime soon, if you have brothers they might be more useful than you give them credit for.

Your roommate(s). Your roommate is the one human who actually sees who you go out with consistently. Whether that’s no one at all and she’s decided it’s time for you to lower your standards, or you keep parading a collection of douchebags through the door, she knows you best (it’s unclear whether or not that’s a good thing).

Your exes (the ones you don’t actually hate). In an ideal world, you’d be able to maintain friendships with your ex-boyfriends. In the real world, it’s hard to grab happy hour drinks with someone you used to bone, especially since there’s not much of a difference between your relationship then and now (minus the sex part). If you do manage to maintain some kind of semblance of a relationship, they do know you better than anyone when it comes to the bedroom — which means they can advise you accordingly.

Your guy friends. Guy friends were basically made to do everything your best friends can’t, like tell you what your new guy’s really thinking. Sure, it means that sometimes you’re privy to the most disgusting comments you’ve ever heard in your entire life, but it pays off in the end. There are only so many times you and your girls can go over the same text without going crazy, and that’s where they come in.

Your best friend’s boyfriend. He can be a good resource because he’s in a relationship, you’ve known him for years, and he won’t turn it around and get creepy with you. At the same time, he’s probably not quite as interested in hearing about your boy troubles as you are in telling him.

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