You’re going along and making up your own rules for dating. How’s that going for you? You thought ignoring the advice from your friends or even your mom would help you land someone perfect in half the time. The only problem is everyone’s taken except for you. What do you do? It’s time to quit trying to recreate the wheel and listen to some of the more controversial dating advice. It worked in the past and it still works today. Why? We’re all programmed to think this way, so just go with it and enjoy all the perks that go along with it.
Play hard to get. It’s a classic, yet one that’s often ignored. I get it – you’re afraid if you play hard to get, he’ll get bored and move on. I’m not saying play impossible to get. Just make him work for it a little. If he says “hi” and you immediately jump in the sack with him, he’s just going to think you’re easy. Guys like a challenge. Too easy and they get bored. Make him pursue you just a little before he gets any treats.
Let him pay. Independent women seem to think letting a guy pay for dinner is some kind of crime against nature. Calm down, ladies – don’t get your panties in a wad. Unless you asked him out, let him pay for the first date, at least. Guys are a little intimidated when a woman doesn’t seem to need them at all. Plus, when he pays, it feels more like a date to him. Otherwise, he feels like he just got friend zoned.
Don’t date outside your list. Don’t have a list? Why not? Stop daydreaming and make a list of the qualities any guy must have before you find him attractive. Stop wasting your time dating guys who don’t even come close to meeting your standards. I’m not saying write a book, but a one page list helps define what you really want so you can actually find what you want.
Establish what you both want upfront. Most people will tell you to skip any mention of the future on a first date. That’s bad advice. Instead, go for the controversial dating advice. Ask the guy what he’s looking for. Does he just want a casual relationship or is he looking for a wife? Maybe he just wants a compatible booty call to have on speed dial. It’s better to know if you’re both on the same page upfront. Neither of you want to waste time if each of you are looking for different things.
Wait to call. You should always wait at least a day or two to call. If he calls or texts you quickly first, wait to respond. It all goes back to playing hard to get. If you seem too eager, he’s going to think he’s got you. Once again, make it work for it a little.
Talk in person. Texting isn’t a substitute for a real conversation. You like someone enough to date them. Why can’t you at least talk to them with your voice and not a keyboard? Limit the texting and even phone calls (unless it’s a long distance thing) and plan to meet in person. Spending time face to face is the best way to learn more about each other. I know it scary to put the phone down, but you’ll find dating is much more fun this way.
Stay separate. This might seem to contradict my last point, but what I mean is you shouldn’t become a mindless zombie when you start dating someone. It’s one thing to spend more of your time with your new guy, but don’t let him completely change your life. Don’t give up your friends or spend every moment with him. You need your own identity. Keep some space between the two of you or you’ll be completely lost if everything goes south in a few weeks.
Do something he wants to do. No, not sex, though that’s definitely something he wants to do. Guys love to have their egos stroked. Dating isn’t all about you. He may have planned the first date to cater to you or as something general you both would enjoy. When planning the next date, try to incorporate one of his interests. This shows you want to get to know him better and encourages him to try one of your interests too.
Skip the drinks. You’re not your best when you’re drunk. How are you even supposed to remember your date’s name after trying every fruity concoction on the menu? The only thing a guy finds attractive about this display is it’s easier to get you in bed. Try to be a little lady like and limit yourself to one or two drinks at most. If he’s a heavy drinker, call a cab and leave his ass at the restaurant.
Don’t be exclusive at first. Dating doesn’t equal relationship. Some people believe in a dating rule that states you should only date one person at a time. That’s fine if the other person isn’t dating anyone else. Dating is no different than going out with friends, except you might get a kiss or even laid at the end of the night. Keep your options open and date other people at the same time (obviously you shouldn’t have dates that overlap). If you’re ready to be exclusive, then talk about it with your date. Otherwise, it keeps the guy on his toes knowing he has competition.
Don’t order the most expensive thing on the menu. Okay, if it’s what you really want, then fine. A date isn’t someone to be used. Guys have been programmed to think an expensive dinner equals sex. It’s sad we have to remind them we’re not prostitutes. Still, it’s kind of rude to ask a guy you’ve just met to buy you an $80 steak dinner plus the best wine the place has. Go for a more moderate option. Better yet, pick a more casual restaurant to limit expectations so everyone’s more relaxed.
Ask him out. It’s still kind of taboo for a woman to ask a man out. But if the chemistry’s right and he seems interested, ask him out. It’s actually really sexy for a woman to make that first move. It shows you’re interested and aren’t afraid to ask for what you want. Just remember, after that first date, go back to playing hard to get! It’s now his turn…
Drive separately. Traditionally, the guy picks up the girl. It’s safer and smarter to drive yourself, especially on a first date. Unless you’ve known the guy a while, you haven’t really had a chance to see if he’s really a nice guy or a complete weirdo. First appearances can be deceiving. Driving separately and meeting gives you the freedom to leave whenever you want. It make sure the guy works harder to keep you interested and around. It places control in your hands.
Mix these rules in with your own and you’ll see a difference in your dating life. Who knows, you might even find dating’s more enjoyable this way.
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